Jack of all trades; master of none

See the title? It's kind of how I am. Actually, calling me a jack of all trades is too generous.
I can do some things okay, but nothing really well. For me, practice really doesn't seem to make anything perfect. I hit a plateau with everything, rather early on, and there I remain.
Like piano. I can read music, play simple songs, but no matter how much I practice, I can't play anything worth playing.
I can sing. Once again, I can read music, sing alto, maybe even stay on pitch, but I don't sound good, and you'd never want to hear me sing a solo. I'm more of a choir type.
I can play sports. I am competitive, really enjoy them, can see the right strategies, know what I should be doing, but I can't seem to make my body perform like it should, and I am forever under par. Unless I play golf; then I am over par.
I'm mostly a B student.
I can draw well enough for Pictionary. But that is all.
I know (most of) the rules of writing. I can put sentences together. I can make up stories. But let's face it, my writing is average, and I know it.
I can cook. At least, I can follow a recipe and things turn out edible. But never spectacular.

I could go on. Sometimes I just wish that I could say I was expert at something, (other than sudoku.) Public speaking? No. Making friends? Uh-uh. Making the boys do a double take? Hahaha! Decoration? I wish.
But seriously.
My heart is in it, but my abilities aren't, and it pretty much sucks.
That is all. Just a gripe. I know what I can do, and I know what I can't, so please don't feel obligated to argue. I'm not doing that girl thing where I say something so you will say it isn't so.

New Car

I got a new car! You see, I didn't need a large Dodge Durango, or its large monthly payment, or its large fuel guzzling. When we bought the Durango, not quite 3 years ago, I was pregnant, and so we wanted a car that would fit two kids better than our tiny one. (Pregnancy didn't last.) And I wanted a car that our hopefully growing family could grow in to. I didn't want to have to buy a new one if we had a third or fourth child. So an SUV it was. (I'm not a minivan type.)
Well, clearly that didn't happen. And a single mom with two kids doesn't need an SUV. So I traded in the dodge. They gave me $8,250 for it, which went directly to the bank we financed it from. I just looked at the dealerships website and see that it's listed at $11,133 at a lot that does one price cars. They won't haggle down.
Anyway, after looking at a few different lots and driving several cars, and after getting my dad's advice and opinion, I selected a black, 2008, Pontiac G6. It's nice, it's sleek, it's roomy, and it's mine. And it only has 24, 500 miles.
It came down to this car and a newer Nissan Sentra. The deciding factor was kind of how well the car seat fit in this car. Lydia's rear facing car seat takes up a lot of space. It was a tight fit in the Durango. In the Nissan, you would have to scoot the passenger seat way up. The G6 fits it better than the Dodge did! I'm pleased with that.
I feel strangely liberated. I was driving it home and having the familiar panicky feeling I get after spending tons of money. Then I started feeling liberated instead. This is my car. Not our car. I'm on my way to a new me, and this car kind of feels like my team mascot. My team. It will take me there in style.

Ooh's and Aah's

Lydia May is delightfully cute. And chunky. I love her to bits. Remember how she used to cry all the time? She pretty much got over that. Then she smiled and talked all the time. When I have to take her out of the chapel at church, it is often because of the LOUD happy noises and squeals she makes. If I was in a young ward, and if I sat near the back, I might just stay put. But in my ward, Lydia is the youngest baby for sure, and there may only be one more. So they aren't used to the baby noises interrupting their meetings, so they don't have the patience for it.
Anyway.
The crying has picked up again. I think she's been teething for the past month. Then I think she got an ear infection on top of that. The result of this is crying a LOT at night when I want to be sleeping, and waking up every two hours at least. I'm a zombie.
Hopefully this passes quickly.
But look how cute she is!

After my heart!

I love jigsaw puzzles. Perhaps that is why I bought Morgan a Thomas puzzle for Christmas. It has more pieces and smaller ones, than the puzzle's he's used to doing, but he rocks, and can do it all by himself. Makes me one proud Momma. I'm so glad he likes doing puzzles too. I see fun times in our future. :)

Bumbo

For Christmas, from her dad, Lydia got a Bumbo. Her patience level in it varies, but sometimes it seems like she really likes it. I just like looking at her when she's sitting there all funny. 

Missing a sock. 
I was trying to get her cute open mouthed smile, but this required me to not hide my face behind the camera. So, while I was entertaining her, I tried to keep the camera steady, but I still managed to cut her head off. Still cute though.


Look at the timing on this one! Woooo-Ooo
A lot of bloggers would probably just pick one, maybe two, pictures of the baby in the bumbo. But I have a hard time narrowing it down! They are all so cute, so why deprive the world of that? And by world, I mean family and friends. So, you're welcome!

My Morgan

How did my cute, little, mischievous, baby boy, Morgan, turn from this...

To this handsome, still mischievous, big, grown-up, boy?

He's just really been looking older lately. And I want him to STOP!

When I told him he needed to stop growing and getting older, he, in all seriousness, told me that he didn't know how. 

Every weekday, (most every weekday, that is) we do his workbooks. He's finished quite a few, and he does Kindergarten-first grade work. He isn't even supposed to go to Kindergarten for another 2 years! 

He's known his letters and their sounds for quite some time now, but is starting to put them together. He can sound out phonetic three letter words. He even tries to spell some by himself. Morgan also is good at writing. He can write his numbers and letters rather well. 

One of our goals for this year is for Morgan to learn how to read. I think that is a very attainable goal. He's already well on his way. 

The older Morgan gets, the more challenging he gets. He was the sweetest, easiest, baby ever, and that spilled over into toddlerhood. But there is a stubborn streak in this boy that is really starting to shine. He's been somewhat difficult lately. (Perhaps some of that can be blamed on the drastic changes in his life??) I've found though, that my being angry with him, threatening punishments, maybe even raising my voice (I know, I know, bad mom!) doesn't really do much good at all. Timeouts can be helpful, but I first have to chase him around the house and manually put him there, and that doesn't make me feel very dignified. But when I can get him to talk to me calmly, (and when I can talk to him calmly) and discuss the issue, and have him figure out what would be best to do, he sometimes will improve. 

I've been having talks with him lately, and even though they are to discuss his negative behaviors, he loves them. "Let's have a talk mommy." So we do this before he goes to bed, and rehash how the day went. I ask him what he did good, and what he did that wasn't good. And we talk, and he commits to do better next time. And I think it maybe has a positive result. 

Anyway, this post wasn't going to be this long. Oh well. 

I love my Morgan. He's sweet, and affectionate with me, and always jumps to my rescue, like, say, when my younger brothers are aiming to provoke. "My Mommy is not a goose! You are!" Oh the bad habits he's picking up...

Memory Lane

Just a couple pictures of my kids around the same age, doing the same thing. Do you think they look alike?

Because it's funny

New Sunday clothes

From my parents for Christmas, Morgan and Lydia got some handsome/pretty dressy clothes. I had to take pictures. Aren't they so cute?

Then I wanted a good picture with me and my  littles, since I don't think I have enough, and so jumped in. 

I love Lydie's expression here.

My pretty girl in her pretty dress. 

I haven't forgotten Christmas

I'm finally getting around to the Christmas post. 

Christmas eve was fun. Everyone came to the parents house to play. Morgan was entertained with his cousins, and I was with my siblings and parents. 

To be festive, Lydia wore her little santa dress, and my sister put a bow on her head. 

We played some games. This was the only picture taken of it, and I suspect it was because Stephanie got a hold of my camera again. So Casey it is.

And the reason I suspect Stephanie.

We had our traditional big Christmas Eve dinner. I take that back. Everyone else had the dinner. I skipped on the ham, funeral potatoes, yams, rolls, and pie. I ate green salad with a yucky, yet healthy, dressing, and some corn. And I still had a gallbladder attack. Hmm, I feel like I'm repeating myself. Did I already mention that on a different post?

After dinner, I had Morgan unwrap his Christmas eve present before I had to take him to his dad. 

Look how excited he was when he thought he got a cereal that he doesn't even like.

Now look at his disappointment when he found out it was pajamas. He was seriously grumpy about it. He got a bit of a lecture because of it. 

Our Christmas tradition has been to wake up at 6:00 in the morning. But that was because we were young. I guess my Casey still is, because he set his alarm. But that's okay, because I was getting Morgan bright and early so I could have him back to Aaron for their much later Christmas. 

I didn't locate my camera again until after the Christmas presents were all opened. :( Morgan got a few more Cars characters, specifically Chick, King, Sarge, and Ramone. They were his cheapest presents from me, and his favorites. 

He also got this scooter.

I got Lydia a play station thing. No, not playstation, a play station. Like a walker, but without wheels. She's still a little bit small for it, but she enjoys brief moments of play there. 

She especially likes this flower thing.

Ah, she's cute! 

And Never Show Your Face Again!

Happy New Year. I hope.

As is my blogging tradition, I will chronicle the past year with a top ten list. But mostly bottom ten. 2009 was bad. 2010; worse. 

1. Though it was actually in the very last days of 2009, I will include it in my 2010 list. A couple days after Christmas, I learned that I was pregnant. I tried hard not to get my hopes up too much, since the past two pregnancies were miscarried, but I was happy to have the news.

2. The happy glow of learning I was pregnant lasted for 1-2 weeks. Early in January I discovered some things that devastated, and made the pregnancy feel like horrible timing. After much thought and prayer, I took my little boy and moved back to my parents house for an undetermined amount of time.

3. While living in my old bedroom again, I had a horrible gallbladder attack. I didn't know that was what it was, but after a trip to quick care and then an ultra-sound, I was told the pain was caused by sludge in my gallbladder. During the ultra-sound, I also got to peak at my 10 week old baby growing in my womb. There was a definite heartbeat.

4. At the end of March I moved back to Dugway. I had high hopes that things would work out for the best and was determined to do all in my power to make it so. 

5. In May we went on a Cruise to the Caribbean. This was my dream vacation. It was fun, I got to see a lot of cool places and do a lot of fun things. But part of the dream of that vacation was spoiled due to the fact that my marriage was already on another downward spiral. 

6. June-July brought the annual Martin camp out. It was great being with family and being camping. A great tradition. 

7. My beautiful Lydia was born in September. She and Morgan are my constant bright spot among all the blackness. I'm sure some people look at her birth as horrible timing, bad planning, a cruel irony... But I know she is a blessing. I will always count her as a blessing. 

8. In November I moved back with my parents. This time is also for an undetermined amount of time, but when I leave, it will be to a small apartment here in Nampa, with just me and my kids. 

9. The added stress of everything brought on more gallbladder attacks from November to December. One chased me to the ER. (Whimp!)

10. And lastly, my gallbladder was removed on Dec. 27th. I'm still recovering from that. A hernia was also repaired. And though it's hard to tell, since there is still the suture tape stuff on my incisions, (all five) it kind of looks like I don't have a belly button anymore. Wha?! But seriously. I'm worried. 

If I went to Hell because of being a horrible person, I would just relive this year over and over. That would be my eternal punishment, my fire and brimstone, my damnation. 

Good riddance, 2010.