Here comes a journal excerpt. This one is kind of loaded.
June 7, 2004
I love Aaron and I want to marry him. I feel comfortable with that idea. It is probably why I didn't go back to college. i have no doubt that the Lord had a hand in keeping me here this summer. It must be Aaron. Our relationship wouldn't have gone far if I left. We wouldn't have even gotten to our first kiss.
I wrote a letter to Aaron in response to his essay. It was hard to give to him because it was loaded with pretty heavy things. Like a lot of the "M" word. Maybe I'll print a copy and stick it in here. Aaron and I are texting right now. About the letter, and marriage. He just wrote me this. "Dating is no longer the casual affair it was a few years ago. I am well aware of that. I am playing for keeps now. We are playing for keeps." Very exciting text to get, yet still tricky and a bit cryptic. Maybe. Or maybe I just over analyze everything. Now he told me that he hadn't brought marriage up yet because of the "long courtship, short engagement" theory. he was planning on waiting several months.
I am wary to even get a housing contract for Rexburg. What if I don't go? What if I wanted to stay here with Aaron? Am I actually going to attend school this fall? I just realized that we have only been dating for 2 months. Why am I so eager to talk about marriage? It seems so soon when I look at it that way. Mom and Dad only dated for 3 months and I always thought that was crazy. I'm crazy. Crazy in love.
In explanation, I was on the Summer/Fall track at BYU-I, which ran from the beginning of May till December. I was only home for the break and to make enough money to return. But the money didn't come very fast, so I had to stay during the Summer semester. But I was still planning on returning in the Fall. That is, until Aaron came around and made things all confusing. :)
And just a reminder, I knew then as I know now how cheesy some of the things that I wrote were. Such as, "crazy in love."
2 weeks ago