Saturday, January 1, 2011

And Never Show Your Face Again!

Happy New Year. I hope.
As is my blogging tradition, I will chronicle the past year with a top ten list. But mostly bottom ten. 2009 was bad. 2010; worse. 

1. Though it was actually in the very last days of 2009, I will include it in my 2010 list. A couple days after Christmas, I learned that I was pregnant. I tried hard not to get my hopes up too much, since the past two pregnancies were miscarried, but I was happy to have the news.

2. The happy glow of learning I was pregnant lasted for 1-2 weeks. Early in January I discovered some things that devastated, and made the pregnancy feel like horrible timing. After much thought and prayer, I took my little boy and moved back to my parents house for an undetermined amount of time.

3. While living in my old bedroom again, I had a horrible gallbladder attack. I didn't know that was what it was, but after a trip to quick care and then an ultra-sound, I was told the pain was caused by sludge in my gallbladder. During the ultra-sound, I also got to peak at my 10 week old baby growing in my womb. There was a definite heartbeat.

4. At the end of March I moved back to Dugway. I had high hopes that things would work out for the best and was determined to do all in my power to make it so. 

5. In May we went on a Cruise to the Caribbean. This was my dream vacation. It was fun, I got to see a lot of cool places and do a lot of fun things. But part of the dream of that vacation was spoiled due to the fact that my marriage was already on another downward spiral. 

6. June-July brought the annual Martin camp out. It was great being with family and being camping. A great tradition. 

7. My beautiful Lydia was born in September. She and Morgan are my constant bright spot among all the blackness. I'm sure some people look at her birth as horrible timing, bad planning, a cruel irony... But I know she is a blessing. I will always count her as a blessing. 

8. In November I moved back with my parents. This time is also for an undetermined amount of time, but when I leave, it will be to a small apartment here in Nampa, with just me and my kids. 

9. The added stress of everything brought on more gallbladder attacks from November to December. One chased me to the ER. (Whimp!)

10. And lastly, my gallbladder was removed on Dec. 27th. I'm still recovering from that. A hernia was also repaired. And though it's hard to tell, since there is still the suture tape stuff on my incisions, (all five) it kind of looks like I don't have a belly button anymore. Wha?! But seriously. I'm worried. 

If I went to Hell because of being a horrible person, I would just relive this year over and over. That would be my eternal punishment, my fire and brimstone, my damnation. 
Good riddance, 2010. 


Lora Dawn said...

Melanie, You are brave and strong. Probably braver and stronger than you know. I can only speak from my own experience. Things get better.

A.Lee said...

Wow, you have been through a rough year (actually 2 years)! It really comes to life when you explain reliving it as your fire and brimstone. I am so sorry to hear about the heartache, but at least you won't have a gall attack for the rest of your life. Sounds very painful. I really hope that 2011 is the turning point for you. And I'm so glad for you to have Morgan and Lydia. Hugs and best wishes!!

Quaero Veritas said...

It can only get better from here right?
Love ya little sis.

Kevin said...

My heart aches for what you've had to endure. I can't offer anything that will make the hurt go away. Day surgery won't fix this one.

Resist the impulse to heal your heart yourself. When we do we try to heal it too quickly and scar tissue is formed, covering over the wound. Scar tissue is hard and tough and inflexible. And a self-healed heart remains hard and tough and inflexible, keeping the inner heart from healing.

The Savior is the only one who can heal it. He will heal it from the inside out so the inner infection is cleansed. He may expose it for a time while cleansing the inner wound, and the cleansing may be painful, but when He is finished your heart will be soft and supple, tender and strong. And there will be no scar.

Let the great Physician do His healing work. When He is done you will be healed indeed. And though the wounding will be remembered your heart will be whole.