Aug. 5, 2001
This excerpt, and the next, are from when I wrote about EFY, (Especially For Youth) that I went to at BSU. In my group was a boy, Blake, on whom I quickly developed a huge crush.
"Some handouts were being passed around and when they got to Blake and he was getting ready to give them to me, he held them in his pointer and thumb on the corners, hardly touching them, then held them out for me. I was kind of sad thinking he didn’t want to touch my hand while seconds before, I was getting excited with the fact that we might. When I reached for them, he quickly moved his hand away. I tried to take them but he wouldn’t let me. Ooh, fun! Is that flirting?"
What? Playful attention from a cute guy? Directed at ME?!? Almost to hard to believe.
Aug. 12 2001
"Also, I was sitting by Blake! ☺ That was happy. This is kind of embarrassing to say, but you’re my journal and I’m going to write it anyway. Well, he was sitting to my left and leaning forward in his chair, so his back was what I saw. Then I got this incredible urge, to reach out and touch him. I just wanted to reach out and rest my hand on his shoulder. Actually maybe my whole arm."
I was always shy, but I had a talent of putting my self near the guys I liked. That I was sitting by Blake was no accident, no lucky coincidence. Skill and timing.
I never saw Blake after those few days of EFY, but he remained an often thought of crush for some time.
Sept 6, 2001
Here we are are at a family reunion. Some brothers and cousins and I heard about a local dance that was going on somewhere so we wanted to go. Not to dance with each other, mind, but to have something to do. We got there and discovered that the youngest person there was probably fifty. We didn't stay, but went back near our reunion campsite and sat around an amphitheater and chatted. Then my parents showed up. I was embarrassed.
"They just returned from searching for us at the dance. They couldn’t find it though. They wanted to go and be a chaperone for us. Mom was worried that we would find beer and get drunk or something. She was very hesitant to let me, Jason, and Chris go in the first place."
September 7, 2001
Note the date. I had been reading a historical fiction novel about WW2. I wrote a lot about my thoughts on war, but I will give you just this. I think the timing is interesting.
"I don’t ever want to see war. It’s devastating…Even when all the battles are over, the war isn’t. People sill struggle to put there lives back in order, there’s destruction everywhere, where there used to be homes… I would hate to see it on my own land. U.S.A."
Sept 11, 2001
After writing three pages about my feelings and fears and the facts as we knew them, I write this.
"My last journal entry I was saying how much I hate war and never want to see it, but now it’s just around the corner. Our Nation will retaliate. I just hope it won’t last long, but I fear it will."
And seven years later we are still at war. Our soldiers are still in the Middle East. I guess I was right to think it would would last long, unfortunately.
1 month ago